idon'tevenknow.

i had something to say., Truly, i did. it was like a mad rush of word v
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                                                                    t coming from a train of thought that wouldn't stop until it c
                                                                                                                                                     r
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                                                                                                                                       h e
                                                                          |                                                                 d. and my hands were poised on the keyboard and my first l|etters came out and they were Fu and then they got erased so there was               nothing and there <========>went my thoughts for this post was going to startout like "Fuckinghell" but then it got erased and with it all the conscientiousness of what i was going to write                                                                

                                                                         
and then it got rewritten by loving hands who'd seen what i was writing. and it was rewritten and it was written fu..cklove and then i laughed and they laughed and we all laughed except for not really because i was dying inside but i talked and we talked and then we actually laughed and then i was happy with her and them with my little frenchie who i just met this year but yet she's become so close and she understands me completely but then i left and started to remember other things about this day this day this day this day this day this day this day this day like feeling all alone even though i was surrounded by people who cared and being lost in the morning yet finally finding peace that way
and                             in a jealousy that                                                                                                                                                                                 
               drowning                                                                                                         

 i don't even fucking understand but that all is just selfish selfish selfish. why am i so fucking selfish-
                                     -maybe you just wish you could be the one that's happy for once
but im human so what the hell do you expect. i cant even say everything that i want to say because im afraid you she it him they will read between the lines and understand what this is really about but fuck ive already said so much in this blog that many you included shouldn't know, because fuck if you don't own your own thoughts then what do you truly have and then just now just now just now the text from her the other her the her that's been with me these past few years and that has gone through so much and who i love to the
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     and back and who made me feel this way today and she can just say something that turns my mood around, positive or negative, but now it just happened to be positive yet sad and that is the story of how my day went from being tremendously shitty in all aspects to just shitty in some.

the end.