Gonegonefeeling

im going to talk to you now
who ever comes across this
see if you ever feel this way too sometimes

theres this feeling i get its like
fucking emptiness

and its a trigger
its just like this little trigger light switch thing goes off in my brain
set off by some innocent bystander who has no idea that there little side comment could make this effect in any sane person
but really am i sane
just add an N and you have your answer
am i sane am i sane am i sane am i sane i sane i sane i sane i sane isane isane isane isane insane insane insane insaneinsaneinsaneinsane
maybe


but then sometimes its likelike god damn somedays it happens out of NOwhere
just sporatically
randomly
antagonizingaly
unconventionally

im walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking walking and then i

fall

but my insides stay where they were
you know
like when you go on a ride and your heart is
in your throat

or when you go down a hill suddenly
except for
i love that feeling
and this feeling that i am talking about now
just makes me
numb
sad
alone
tired

and its out of nowhere
no reason
just me and my mind then a few days later ill feel fine and ill be like
maybe ill be okay maybe i dont need help maybe it was all in my mind maybe it wasnt actually that bad
but it was
it so was
when am i going to realize that this isnt just some passing phase
ive been this way for the past five years
im lost

And if I don't figure this out soon, I may never get a chance to be fixed.