In the past, i've asked many people who's opinions i valued the following, universal question-

Is it better to be completely happy , and unable..not allowed to feel anything else, or mentally free to feel anyway you want-miserable or content, pessimistic or optimistic, sad or happy, etc.

                         in other words, would you rather be Happy and ignorant or  be drowning in your thoughts and knowledge of the world. 


The answer was pretty much unanimous- free to feel any way they want. 

for what, one of these people said, is happiness without a soul?

i used to agree with them. i thought that it was the best choice, the only choice, because that way our happiness actually meant something. This way our happiness was comparable, we could tell and appreciate when we were content because there were other feelings to weigh said feeling against. When your free to feel any way you want, "emotion" is no longer just a word. It's the whole universe.

                  i used to be critical of people who depended on chemical fulfillment in order to be at peace. i thought that that was as pointless as being happy yet ignorant- if you can't make your own happiness you aren't trying hard enough, i thought. i didn't despise those who had to depend on drugs, i just pitied them. 

Now, i realized that it's not my place to feel pity for them. i've found that sometimes, you just can't find fulfillment or happiness naturally                      and you try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try and try but sometimes it's just futile. You don't get anywhere.
Everyone deserves to be happy, so if someone is unable to find it themselves and they've tried and they're tired, who is to judge them for finding it in the only way that they can.

i don't disagree with the phrase "ignorance is bliss" anymore. i used too. i used to take pride in my fucked up screwed over trainwreck of a brain.

                             It made me different.

Now though, i've decided that really,  i'd rather be blissful and ignorant.

-i'm just too fucking tired of drowning.