A list of loves and lusts

     I've gotten a new mind to replace the one you burnt
it's loud and delusional
and it won't let me sleep.
But at least these long nights
let me think about existence
and that can be
comforting.

     I bought a new book to replace the one he lost
So full of ideas and love and past.
This one is not as clean or pretty,
but its worn and read and well loved
and smells like dust and eyes.

     I buried the clothes that
he took off me, slowly and lovingly
as he kissed the skin underneath them
and silently stated
Te amo, te amo.
Now I'm bare to the wind, shivering
and there's nothing to hide.

       I threw my hands into the ocean
and left my wrists with nothing
for her touch still lingered through my
empty palm and fingers.
 These phantom limbs are better
than the memories of her cold grasp.

 I replaced my voice
with one that had never uttered the words
I gave to him
This new voice is hoarse and small
but at least it doesn't strain to say
what it's so accustomed to saying.
 
  I stitched up a dignity
To replace the one I gave to him
two strangers in the middle of the dance floor
blindly exchanging false passion and lust while everyone danced
and looked away.
That dignity was already bruised and boned
At least this one is absolved.

    I tore off my lips and replaced them with
ones she hadn't touched
There was too many memories emitted
each time I licked their ruptured surface
or touched them to someone else's.
These new lips are cold
but blue is a nice color.

      I painted over the scars
with pictures of veins and life
covered up the remains of when he asked
Did you do that to yourself?
And to erase the kisses he brushed them with.
This question never existed
And the touches were never real.

  I let the birds claw out my eyes
and filled the sockets with flowers and thorns
It was delusional of me to find love in his mouth
And this way I won't pretend to see
what really isn't there.

I stole a new mind to replace the one you burnt

It's slippery and insolent

And it won't let me sleep

but at least its more forgetful than the last

and these evanescent memories

no longer exist between its walls and crevasses

and these long, desolate nights
let me think

of existence.