thisis Mass confusion and utter dissolution, fuckers.

Yeah.

i don't fucking know.

Fuuuuuuuucckkkkkk what's wrong with me. Why do i do this.

                                                           Cause if feels good, moron. 


And i'm leaving. and i'm leaving and i'm leaving and i want to go away i need to go away hell what am i supposed to do.

my brain is so muddled right now-it's insane.
                         
                                      You can't control your feelings. 

This isn't going to get better.

And the worst part is, i'm not even sorry. 

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyoudearheart

don't apologize-life isn't your fault.

it's no ones fault. 

any maybe everything isn't going to be okay-
but somedays it will be
and we will just have to try and remember those moments.

This low's lasted too long.

goodvibes

I'm convinced there's something going on with the planets or stars or some shit.

I don't know what it is, but this past week nearly everyone I know, at least, most of my friends, have been super low, super confused utterly lost in themselves and the world.

I wonder- is everyone feeling this way because we're friends, because we feed off others energies? Or are we friends because we all feel this way?

Either way, I hope the planets start to bring in some positive energy soon. We could all use it.

Fucking burden.

i need to stop talking to people.

At least, i need to stop telling people what's going on with me. i've found that no one really cares needs feels wants to know and really telling them my problems just estranges us and makes everyone think i'm just looking for atttention. Which i'm not. Usually. At least this time i wasn't. i just needed to tell someone and at the time it seemed like a good idea.

i need to stop getting so close to people. Everything just ends up falling apart. Nothing's forever, so why do i invest myself so much, forever and always.


i'm done investing myself in my relationships. i'm sick of making An effort. Fuck, why am i the only one that cares.

Dontgowhereyouarentwanteddontgowhereyourenotwanteddontgowhereyourenotwanteddontgowhereyourenotwanteddontgo

Why am i always trying to help but when i need it i can't ask anyone. FUCKINGIPHONESTOPCAPITALIZINGMYiS that's an exaggeration. Its just the people i can ask i don't want to.

i really wish i could just not give any fucks.
That seems pretty improbable, though.
Sometimes i wish i were numb.


. Life's a bitch.

          my past is written on my wrists. 

and not just in the form of haphazard tattoos emulating what i may want my skin to be like some day. This record of my history is inscribed, dancing along the ripples of my veins.. It's painful, sad, and the only thing that makes sense to me.
It's sadistic art, or, just sadistic i know. It's a terrible, awful selfish thing but i can't help from doing it-i tried for so long to fight in but now i just need to give in. It's my lustful affliction. It's my main infatuation, my only addiction.

 People don't tend to see it. Maybe they just block them out-it's too much to deal with. i know, i've been there with others
             i'm such a hypocrite

i can never decide if i want someone to ask me about it or not- i know i don't want my parents to know. It would kill them.
But i like people to know about my past-empathy is a good thing.
Maybe i just like the attttention.
i really don't know. i try not to think about that.

But, you know. It's just a phase. 

                                       

                                                                                                                     i never write more than two             posts in one day...i like saving ideas for the future. But wasn't there a great some sort of influential person who said that putting off writing or art or anything for a day with better circumstances never worked? Besides, this way i'm actually inspired.

Vice#6 the.edge

God. Nothing is helping, not writing not drawing not music not him well of course he's not helping not the guitar Not even my #1 un-named vice.

I told her it was okay but it really isn't.

Why the hell does she get everything and i get nothing. Fucking nothing ever works for me

but that's life, aint it.

                                                                                                                      Yeah, i guess so.