streamof existentialism and thought

I don't really know anymore. Not that I ever did. Here I am speaking to one thousand nonexistant faceless voices about vices that eat at my dark corroded core that cause me to yearn for bones and scars and love and lust and warmth and relief and peace and hope and life. Yet I can't find the motivation to move on. I can't do shit about my life. I cannot fuckin gmove on. And there you all are why is ther so much sadness in the wold why can't I get out of bed in the morning why can't I pushmyslef to do the things that I want to do why do I procrastinate why do I hatemyself to this level why do I feel like everyone is judging me why do I have no talents why do I question every little big thing that happens why can't I love why do I love to much why do I obsess over the wrong people why did you get stuck in my head.
I'm just so sad all the time
and i'm just so pathetic like fuck, pitiful. Sad, lost lonely fucking withering away yet filling myself up with shit and thoughts and fat and weight and gravity is not just a concept its the world we live in and our weigths dictate how we stand and our minds dictate how we fall and our hopes dictate how we can get back up but I'm falling to hard my weight isn't small enough for me to disappear I take up to much space and I missthe feeling of my heart beating against my ribs under my paperthin skin.
Why am I writing this, why do I love mountains and why do i feel the need to crawl out of my skin why can 't I be comfortable why can't I fit why can't I fit why cant I fit in my FUCKING skin and why can't I love my father why can't I be mature why can't I just give up just give upjust give up just give just ivje just give juste give up jists sgijaoskdlfadsk I jUST FUCKING WANT TO GIVE UP why the hell can't I
what do I need to stick around to do
there is no reason for us to be on this earth other than for us to make an impact
And I just cant. I can't make an impact when I can barely get out of the bed in the morning. I can't make an impact when I can't find the motivation to graduate from school. I can't make an impact when I cant get these trivial happenings out of my head.

I can't make an impact being me. 

Society,
                 you're a crazy breed


 Hope you're not angry, if I disagree



  society

crazy indeed
       hope you're not lonely

without me

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not.

Pale white, how I like the skin streched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
                                                                             e
    you are   second   hand      s                     k        
                                                    m     o    

You're so fragile and thin,

                   standing trial for your sins


Holding on to yourself the best you can.

You are the smell before rain

You are the blood in my veins. 

I'm glad that you can forgive, 

only hoping as time comes,

                                                         you can forget.

11:11 waste a minute.

I wish I could tell you

that you were right

that not all vices are bad, for they help us grow



        and  that, if i were with you right now

I'd kiss you on the corner of your mouth  

                                  the back of your neck,

the curve of your shoulders

I'd leave scratches down your spine.

And have no regrets.

                                                but i can't say that

                                                                  because we're moving past that. 
                                      and we're starting over, right?

But, man
I really, really want to. 

i just want to sleep forever.

Well, you fucking had me fooled, man.


It really all was just bullshit, wasn't it.








                                                                                   

                                                                          You can't move forward if you're stuck swimming in the same tide. 
























but you're not a shit person. You just do shitty things. 

we're dying, aren't we?

















                                                                                                             

somebody else might end up being me. 

thank you